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The Blog.

The Simple Secret to Getting More (and Better) Dates

July 17, 2013
Online Dating - Getting more dates.

Online dating is so simple, right? You sign up, choose a username then create your profile, tweak some of the wording and upload some great looking pictures of yourself.

Great! So, it's time to sit back and let the lookers come to you, right? Wrong.

Life is more than sitting back and waiting for things to happen. If you want to be successful at online dating, you're going to have to be proactive. Go out there, look through some profiles, and when you find someone you might like...send them a message!

Yes, sending The First Message Is Scary.

It's true. Initiating contact is scary.

Why? Because it carries with it the threat of rejection.
The person you contact may not be interested. They may talk for a little while and decide that you're not what they're looking for. They may not even reply at all.

That's like walking up to someone on the street and trying to start a conversation ...and watching them walk right past you as if you don't exist. Rejection like that is tough for the ego to take, but it's a necessary risk if you're going to find someone that does fit with you.

What Does Starting The Conversation Prove?

When you send the first message, you're demonstrating confidence. You're already showing that you value the other person, because you're willing to risk rejection for the chance to talk to them. Even if they don't respond, you've still shown yourself that you're willing to take action to make your life better.

If you take the initiative, the odds of finding someone you are compatible with increase dramatically.
Why? Because you already know that you're interested in anyone who messages you back. Sales people call this “pre-qualifying,” or focusing their time and energy on the most likely prospects to get better results. The same goes for online dating; by focusing your time and energy on people you already like, you have a much better chance of finding your soul-mate.

So, even if you don’t get a response, you'll never really know why. It might not (and usually doesn't) have anything to do with you at all. Maybe they're having a bad day; maybe they're allergic to your favorite food. Maybe their ex just flew in from out of state and life just got really complicated (these things happen) the end, you don't know, and so it's not worth thinking negatively about it. Think glass half full (positively) and send a new message to someone else.

That being said...

Learn From Your Mistakes.

If certain approaches tend to get a better response than others ...use them! It's probably not a coincidence if you tailor your messages to the individual. Note: what works for some may not work for others. Remember, these aren't mindless computers and there's a real, unique human being behind each one of those profile pictures.

Good Luck!


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